Driving Me to Insanity
by iTorchic
Summary: Edward turned 16 and Hughes begins teaching him how to drive whenever the brothers are in town. However when Hughes is murdered, who will teach the imfamous Elric now? Roy Mustang just entered hell, that's for sure. Threeshot. Rated T. NOT YAOI! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Guess who's back! =D Well, I still have a touch of writers block for 'All is One, I am All', but I should have the next chapter up by this weekend! =D**

**Well, this is a twoshot that I came up with! I am just finishing up my last driving lesson tonight and a little while ago I was thinking up ideas for oneshots and this one popped in my head! =D **

**Also, I know the Hughes thing is when he's younger but I needed Hughes later on so Edward just turned 16 and Hughes is still around.**

**It's a parental fic for Roy and Ed. They have a little bonding time while Ed is learning, and there's death as well. So, sit back, relax, and buckle your seat belts because Edward Elric is learning how to drive!**

Driving Me to Insanity

"Okay Edward, make sure you're buckled up. Okay, now put your right foot down on the break."

"How come? We aren't even moving yet?"

"Well, we want it to stay that way until we want to move. You have to hold down the break every time you switch gears."

Click

"Okay Hughes, what's next?"

It was a week after Edward's sixteenth birthday and, as promised, Hughes had agreed to teach the teen how to drive his first car. This was his first lesson and frankly, the thought of driving made Edward nervous and excited at the same time.

"So now you're doing to switch the car into reverse."

"That's the 'R', correct?"

"Yep! That's the one!"

Click

"Okay Edward, now slowly lift your foot off the break…… that's it, nice and slow. Now stop at the end of the driveway and check to make sure no one is coming."

.

.

.

"Okay! There's no one there!"

"Did you check your blind spot?"

.

"Blind spot?"

"Over your left shoulder."

"Oh……..no one is there!"

"Now start turning the steering wheel as you pull out……that's good Edward! Now keep going until you're straight in the street then you're going to put it in drive."

"With the brake down first?"

"Yep, with the brake down first. Now you're going to go about 20 miles per hour here…….Easy now! There you go, just stay around the speed limit. Not too fast, not too slow, the average speed is the way to go."

"Did you just come up with that rhyme Hughes?"

"Well, tell me later if you remember that or not and we'll see if my little rhyme worked or not."

Edward soon had to go on the road again for more research, but every other month he visited Central to get another lesson with the investigator.

That is, until about 8 months after his first lesson…

"Hey Colonel Bastard, where's Hughes?" The teen had barged into the office and Colonel Roy Mustang flinched, however it was the words then the slamming of the door.

"Fullmetal…….he isn't here." He replied, avoiding eye contact and he could the clank of Al's armor as the younger brother carefully stepped into the room.

"Fine then. Come on, we're going to the Hughes residence."

"NO!" Roy exclaimed and immediately looked down as the blonde gave him a calculating stare.

"What happened?"

The Colonel simply pulled a news article and set it on the far edge of his desk, the headline blaring 'Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes Found Dead'.

"No….." Roy finally had the nerve to look up and saw Edward clenching the paper in his hand, his bangs covering his eyes. "No….."

**I'll put up the final part tomorrow! =D**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back for the final part of this twoshot and it's now that I realize how much more I'll have to practice writing in 3****rd**** person. XD I personally think I'm much better at writing in first person, so I'm going to start practicing more in 3****rd**** person! More one and twoshots shall come soon! =D**

Driving Me to Insanity

"Sir?"

It was the next day, Edward had silently stormed out with Alphonse following quickly behind and that just made the Colonel that much more guilty for having to give the news. Now Alphonse had come back to headquarters the next morning, alone.

"Yes Alphonse?"

"Well sir, I was just sort of wondering if you could help me; I mean Brother! You see, Mr. Hughes and Brother, well Mr. Hughes taught Brother…."

"What is it Alphonse?"

"Can you teach Brother how to drive?!" Alphonse exclaimed and Roy's eyes went slightly wider.

"You want me to teach Fullmetal how to drive?"

"Well, yes sir. Mr. Hughes has been teaching Brother how to drive since after his sixteenth birthday, and since Mr. Hughes is gone now, he doesn't have anyone to teach him."

Roy stayed quiet for a minute, pondering his options before sitting back with a sigh.

"We'll see Alphonse."

"Thank you sir! I'm sure Brother will appreciate it!" The younger Elric happily left the room while the Colonel groaned.

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll appreciate quality time with me. I might as well prepare my will and funeral arrangements now."

It was a week before Edward showed up in the Colonel's office, same usual mood: pissed off and ready to scream his head off at any mention of his height.

"Here's your damn report from my last mission. Can I go now?"

"Hold it Fullmetal. You're to report to my house at sixteen-hundred hours today. No questions and no complaints."

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT?! I'M NOT GOING TO YOUR HOUSE YOU CRAZY PERVERT!"

"Didn't you just hear the part of my order that clearly stated 'No questions and no complaints'?"

"Screw you bastard!" Another door slammed shut and the alchemist was gone.

"Damn it Hughes, why'd you have to leave me with the kid?"

He could practically hear his best friend's laughter in his ears before returning to his dreaded paperwork.

"Alright, I'm here bastard. What'd you want me to do?"

"Get in the car."

"Why? Are you going to drop me off at some remote location?"

"Just get in the car Fullmetal."

"Fine you bastard."

"No, you're driving."

"What?!"

"You're driving, now get in."

SLAM

"Alright, we're going to drive through Central and into the outskirts of the city. Here's the keys."

"Wait a minute, how the hell did you know I could drive?!"

"Well, I learned from my sources you're learning how to drive, so now you're going to drive; now turn on the engine by putting the key in the slot and turning it to the right."

"I know what to do already you bastard!!"

"Now reverse……..not too fast Fullmetal, are you trying to kill us?"

"You maybe…"

"Now check your blind spot and check to make sure you don't kill anyone."

"I've driven before you know!"

"And I'm still amazed you haven't killed anyone yet."

"_By the time this is over, you may be…"_

"What was that?"

"Nothing….."

Edward drove through Central, a few mishaps on the way but no crashes or casualties. However, it was due to the two in the car that they nearly hit about ten people, two buildings, and a fruit cart.

"It's called a brake Fullmetal! Use it!"

"I am! Stop yelling at me!"

"Then use the damn break! Can you even reach the pedals?!"

"I AM NOT SHORT YOU BASTARD!"

"Eyes on the road! LOOK OUT FULLMETAL!!"

"GAH!"

"That's another person you almost ran over Fullmetal."

"SUHT UP! You're the one agitating me anyways!"

"I'll say this again: keep your eyes on the road Fullmetal!"

"Shut up already old man! I am!"

"_I'm not old"_

Despite Edward swerving and forgetting to break occasionally, which Roy did mentally admit was due to him egging on the younger alchemist, he noticed that the blonde stuck to the speed limit at all times.

"You seem to get the hang of the speed limit Fullmetal. You're actually doing a pretty good job."

"_Not too fast, not too slow, the average speed is the way to go." _The blonde muttered and Roy raised an eyebrow.

"Was that….a rhyme?"

"Shut up bastard."

"Where'd you get that anyway?"

"I said shut up bastard."

"I didn't know you were a poet Fullmetal."

"I SAID SHUT UP BASTARD! I GOT IT FROM HUGHES, OKAY?!" They were now out of Central and were driving on country roads with complete silence. Roy didn't know what to say, Hughes did do a good job with teaching the kid.

"You miss him don't you."

"………"

"It's alright if you say that Fullmetal, I'd completely understand."

"……a little bit."

"What?"

"I miss him a little bit, okay? It was my fault he ended up dying in the first place!"

The car squealed to a stop when the brake was slammed on. Now they just sat in the middle of the road in a running car. "It's my fault! He was looking stuff up for me for the philosopher's stone and he got killed for it! I always end up getting people killed for stuff I drag them into!"

"Fullmetal, it's not always your fault. Maes knew what he was getting into and he even tried calling me. If I would had picked up faster, we could have gotten to him and maybe he would have lived. But we can't blame ourselves for everything that happens."

The car stayed in silence for a few minutes before Edward started driving through the country again. However, it was more of a comfortable silence than the tense atmosphere before. The bumpy road led around for about two hours before the two saw the lights from Central again. Edward began to slow down as they entered the city again as the sun began to set.

"Hey Colonel?"

"Yes Fullmetal?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome Edward. But I expect you to show up to work tomorrow with your paperwork from your last mission completed."

"What paperwork?!"

"Well you destroyed half of their city, took out their government leader, and crushed their economy. I have your stack of paperwork to fill out from all of the destruction in the backseat."

"BASTARD!"

"I know I am Fullmetal, I know. And your next driving lesson is in two days. Hopefully you won't kill anyone."

"I didn't kill anyone this time!"

"This time."

"AUGH!"

**So, I hope you liked that! So, the way that Mustang kept being nit-picky with Ed at the beginning of this chapter? Yeah, that was me and my mom when I started driving at the end of march. XD She's better now, and I just finished my last driving lesson last night so I felt this would be a nice little story. I'm sad to kill Hughes again, but it had to be done. So, please leave your reviews and thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys. I was looking over this story and the reviews and I sort of felt that I left it a bit open ended.**

**Well, I've had my license since October 20****th****, YAY, and have been driving on my own for awhile and I only got 14 points off on my first driving test and passed! MWHAHAHAH! I was the first one of my friends, other than my crush but I'm talking about girls XD, to get my license and I've been carting them around and going for errands for my parents. **

**HOWEVER! I just love being able to drive, and it means I convince my parents to let me do more ice cream and star bucks runs. =3D**

Driving Me to Insanity

To say that Roy Mustang was nervous was a total lie.

He was completely terrified.

It was d-day, the day of Edward's driving test; and based on how Edward practiced with him…

Let's just say that there was a reason for why he was having a legit excuse to be distracted by paperwork. However, his lieutenant didn't share his feelings at all as she looked up from her work with a bored, yet slightly aggravated look.

"Sir, Edward will be fine. Now, get to work already." He let out a sigh as he sat up, stretching as well, and grabbed his mighty sword to defeat the evil and cynical forest that had grown on his kingdom… alright… grabbed his pen to sign more paperwork. But: he knew that the evil monstrosity that continuously seemed to sprout up on his desk were waiting for their chance to strike. When voicing these opinions, Hawkeye merely stared at him for a minute before returning to work as did he.

He signed mindlessly as his thoughts drifted back to the possibly mobile blond teen. He mused that the kid had beaten up terrorists, passed the state alchemist test, become the youngest state alchemist in Amestrian history, survived human transmutation, survived it a second time when putting his brother's soul in a suit of armor, and that was only the half of it. How could he fail a drivers test?

Well…

There was that time when Edward crashed the car into headquarters….and the second time… plus the time when he nearly ran over that one old woman…

Havoc refused to be anywhere outside or an outside wall whenever Edward was located in a drivers seat after that one time during the winter… Roy winced as he remembered the incident and held back a chuckle about how the smoker complained nonstop during his hospital stay after that incident.

Then again…he ended up with 2 new cars…well there was only one now…

Weighing his options and pondering about past disasters, he continued to sign, ponder more, sign, worry, sign yet again, worry yet again…you can kind of get the picture…

It was about 2 hours later that Hawkeye finally had enough of the Colonel tapping his pen rapidly on his desk that she stood up, walked over, and slammed her hand down on the desk breaking the Colonel's stupor.

"Sir, worrying over Edward isn't going to help, so STOP WORRYING."

Just then, the door opened to reveal a blond looking confused as he strolled in.

"What's the Colonel worried about?"

"Fullmetal! Did you pass?"

"….is Mustang turning into another Hughes, because he's starting to freak me out right now…" Roy sighed and massaged his temples. How the hell could this kid be so calm now?

"He's been freaking out all day Edward." The lieutenant said with a smile while the Colonel glared, "So how did you do?"

"I passed with flying colors, what'd you expect?" He said with a laugh and pulled out a newly issued drivers license.

"How the hell did you perfectly pass? You ran the car into HQ, you nearly took out loads of people, and you sent Havoc to the hospital!"

"That's because you were in the car with me." He grumbled, "You've yet to remember that you'd bug me every single time and I'd get pissed off…"

"It is true sir, I've heard you two screaming at each other while you pass me on the street."

"Fine, I get it…"

* * *

"Hey Hughes…It's been awhile hasn't it? I'd like to thank you for helping me learn how to drive and everything else you did for me an Al. I know I should have told you all of this when you were alive, but I guess I sort of took you for granted; it helped me realize that I needed to at least be thankful for what we have now, instead of only focusing on getting back what we lost.

"Well, I came back to show you that I got my license now! Unlike what Mustang thought, I passed with a perfect score. The egomaniac never realized that annoying the hell out of me while I'm driving is not a good idea.

"Elysia and Gracia really miss you, you know that right? Well, I got you a little gift Hughes. Gracia was keen on getting a picture of Mustang, Elysia, and I in front of my new military issued car, which by the way Havoc will go nowhere near me now. So, here's a copy of that picture and I hope to see you again soon Hughes." As the teen set down the small photo, he stepped back as a breeze of wind whipped the portrait into the air and disappeared into the sky. With a grin, he turned and waved the to grave before heading to his car for a quiet ride home.

Sure, he was grateful to Mustang for taking over where Hughes couldn't anymore. Well, until the next day that is…

"I AM NOT A SHRIMP YOU EGOMANIAC COLONEL WITH A GOD COMPLEX!"

Well, as the saying goes: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

**HA. I finished it. XD**


End file.
